Surprise!

My cute sister Tedi decided to surprise me and came to town for my graduation. Tedi has been one of my best friends and I have missed her and her hubby Doug. Last year I spent as much of my free time as I could with them. Then they abandoned me in P-town when they moved to Minneapolis last summer for grad school. It was a wonderful to have Tedi and her little girl in town for my big event. Thanks for sharing them Doug & the rest of the Tree Family!

The Latest Addition to the Clements Clan

Congrats to Abe & Ann on their newest arrival. My 6th niece (#13 when combing nieces & nephews) was born on Wednesday April 21st. Isn't she adorable?

Connie Clements M.B.A

It is official. I am finally finished with my MBA!! I can't believe how fast the past two years have gone. It seems like just yesterday I was walking into my first day of orientation all nervous and not sure what to expect. The administration told us to look around the room and then told us that the people sitting around us would become our best friends. I didn't believe them, but they were right. I have made wonderful friends over the past two years. My classmates have changed my life. I am sad that these people will no longer be a daily part of my life.

Thoughts, Musings & Rants

I was just sitting here reflecting on my Real Estate Investments class thinking about the AWFUL guest speaker we had today. The guest was sharing information about the organization for whom he works and he represented his company very poorly. He was condescending one minute and then overly familiar the next. Add a touch of 'holier than thou' with smarmy used car salesman (a paradox, I know) and you have this guy pegged. He made gross assumptions about people in the class and their religiosity - alternating between joking that we needed to go see our bishop's to assuming that we all had current temple recommends. He quoted scripture references and then acted like we were stupid/not nearly as spiritual as he is/was when we didn't know what he was talking about. I loathe people like him because I think they represent all of the stereotypes I want to avoid. He also called us "brothers & sisters." Brothers & Sisters! At school! In a PROFESSIONAL presentation!!! SERIOUSLY!?!?

I am sorry - I know I am at BYU and it is a school run by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but I get SUPER annoyed when people confuse school and business classes with Sunday School. I am paying money to learn and be taught by experts - I don't have to pay (nor do I want to pay) to attend testimony meeting. I do not pay money to attend firesides and that is exactly moments of today's class felt like. I want a refund for today's class!I may have just been having a bad day, but I was BEYOND annoyed. Honestly if I were his boss we would be having a "Crucial Conversation" stat. I would be ticked if one of my employees ever represented themselves, and by extension me, in such an unprofessional manner.

In the midst of my annoyance with Real Estate I was thinking about other guest lecturers we have had in the class (they were all fantastic). I was also thinking about the lectures we had combined with the undergraduate version of the Real Estate class and about how I had no clue about real estate when I was an undergrad. Then I wondered why I didn't know careers in Real Estate.

My conclusion was that we know about what we see. The grown ups that I knew growing up were involved primarily in two professions: engineering and teaching. Sure I knew a policeman here, and a lawyer there, but the majority of the people within my sphere of influence were either engineers or teachers. I learned about other careers in high school and some in college, but I have learned a lot about different career paths in the past two years in business school. It is interesting to think about my younger brothers and sisters and to see what kind of career options they will pursue as myself and my siblings have pursed other careers. Sure I still have a couple of brothers who are engineers but we are branching out. I have decided that I want my little brothers ( I really should use the term younger as they are at least 6 inches taller than me) to know about all kinds of career options and I am on a mission to help them. I wish I would have talked more to adults when I was younger to learn about their careers and what they do to occupy their time. I am sure I could have learned a lot and my network of business contacts would be a lot larger. You live and you learn I guess.

No Shirt, No Shoes....

Why do guys take their shoes off while they are in class or at school? Today I have observed this phenomena three times & I just don't understand it. I have observed it on other days. It is winter so I am guessing their feet can't be hot. Guys wear loafers or tennis shoes, so I find it hard to believe that they find their shoes so uncomfortable or something to keep them on their feet. I wear 4 1/2 heels all day long and don't take my shoes off. My shoes are not particularly comfortable, but I manage to keep my feet covered when in public. I don't get why guys don't find footwear in public places to be necessary. Can anyone explain this to me?

“Blink” & Dating

Recently I had to read "Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell for my Strategic Decision Making course. I read the book a few years ago and thought it was interesting. As I was reading it this time I thought it had some interesting things to say especially in the context of relationships. (I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about relationships, which is strange because I really haven't thought too much about them in the past.) Anyway, below is a summary of my dating philosophy as influenced by "Blink" and Malcolm Gladwell.

Trust Your First Impression

Gladwell's argument throughout the book is that decisions made quickly can be just as good as decisions make cautiously and deliberately. There is no need to spend hours and hours with a guy (or girl) if your first impression is that they are not compatible with you. I know some of you may argue that at first you couldn't stand your current boyfriend or your spouse but it turns out they are your soul mate. I am not going to argue with you. This is just what he says.

Seriously though, think back to the times you first met all of your exes or guys that wanted to day you but you didn't want to date them – what was your initial reaction? I personally think there is a lot of merit to Gladwell's argument, but that may be because I make snap judgments all of the time. Gladwell says that all you need is two second. I typically give guys more than two seconds, but they typically don't get more than 2 hours unless I am interested. (Dinner is WAY more than sufficient to know if there is a connection or not, especially if there is not.)

You Will Change Your Mind

This just might be my favorite take away from this book. Basically it boils down to the fact that we are all fickle. We all have our idea of the type of person we are looking for: intelligent and charming, sweet and sensitive, rugged and outdoorsy, outgoing and confident, etc. However, Gladwell writes of a couple (Sheena Iyengar - psychologist & Raymond Fisman - economist) who run a speed-dating event in NYC. Their event is much like other speed-dating events. The only difference is before the event, after the evening ends, a month after the event, and then six-months after participants have to fill out a questionnaire about what they are looking for in a potential partner. Iyengar & Fisman have discovered that participants are not very good at identifying those characteristics to which they are attracted. Gladwell used the example of "Mary" who before the event began said she was looking for someone who was "intelligent & sincere". "John" a participant with whom "Mary" had instant attraction was more "attractive and funny" than he was "intelligent & sincere". As a result, in the follow up survey at the end of the evening what "Mary" is looking for has changed to "attractive & funny". At the month mark, "Mary" has gone back to wanting "intelligent & sincere." So what type of guy does "Mary" really want? My guess is that she doesn't really know because her subconscious wants one thing while her conscious mind wants something else.

I think this happens to all of us. We can be attracted to one type of guy (or girl) one day and an entirely different type the next.

Case in Point:

Beware of Beautiful

Anyone who knows me knows that I am shallow, at least when I first meet people. If a guy isn't at least an 8.5 I will not really notice him. I am not saying that I will ignore him completely, but I won't notice if he is attractive or not. His personality (and how he is dressed – yes I am THAT shallow!) is what will make me like or dislike him at this point. This little "quirk" of mine has gotten me into a bit of a mess on an occasion or two.

Several years ago I went to a party at friend's house. At this party I met my friend's boyfriend's roommate. I will call him Jeff. Jeff was (and still is) a looker. (Yes, he does resemble Ryan Reynolds, swoon!) He is a solid 9 and therefore I was attracted to him right away. Jeff and I clicked, but there were some red flags. One particular red flag was the fact that he was not religious and I am. I fell for Jeff pretty hard, even though I knew that he wasn't what I ultimately wanted.

Gladwell calls this the "Warren Harding Error." Apparently Warren Harding (one of the worst US Presidents in history) was a bit of a looker. The American public thought he looked "presidential" so he was elected, even though he sucked as a president and was not really qualified. This bias (what my sister and friends have called the "hotness" bias) can interfere with our ability to make "good" two second decisions.

Play Detective – aka "The Secrets of the Bedroom"

Gladwell argues that if you really want to know what someone is like instead of going out with them twice a week for a year, you should drop by their house when they are not home and have a look around: open their closets, look in their fridge, use their bathroom, and look at their photos. By looking around someone's house you can learn as much about them as you would dating them for months on end.

I found this tidbit kind of hilarious because I once came to the conclusion that things would never work out with a guy after I had used his bathroom. It was about our third date and we had gone to his house to watch a movie after dinner. I asked to use his bathroom. The bathroom was not disgustingly dirty – it was, in fact, pretty clean. But it was the bottles of Kiehl's products lining the countertop that doomed him to the "friend zone". I don't know about you, but for me dating a guy who spends more money on skincare products than I do is NOT okay. I am supposed to be more high maintenance than any guy I date.

See Them in Their Native Habitat

Okay so this one might be a stretch – I extrapolated it from the idea that market research should be conducted when/where a product is to be consumed. Gladwell makes the argument that when we try something like Pepsi or Coke at a central location test (single sip at a grocery store or something like that) our experience is different than if we take a case home and drink it for a week. He argues that we also have a hard time separating the product from the package because they are linked. We don't just by the contents of something; we are also buying the package. (This could explain why when faced with two similar items, I always go with the "pretty" packaging. It could also explain my "hotness bias").

So using Gladwell's theory, we need to see the people that we date in their "natural habitat." We need to see them and how they interact with their friends, their family, and their coworkers.

We should also spend time with them vegging at home, at sporting events, etc. Basically see them as they are in "real life" not just on fun and exciting dates. (This is exactly why shows like The Bachelor & The Bachelorette fail WAY more often than they are successful –although it doesn't stop me from watching that train wreck!)

Stop Being a Girl: Analysis Paralysis

Gladwell argues that sometimes we spend hours, days, months or even years collecting data, running more tests (as in the case of hospitals testing for heart attack which is an example used in the book), etc all in the name of making better decisions. However often times all this data and tests are no more effective at helping us make a decision. We now have so much information that we often lose site of the bigger picture.

When it comes to dating I am THE worst when it comes to over analyzing things, particularly when it comes to what I did or didn't do. Should I have sat closer to him, was I too close, or was I okay? Should I invite him to my work Christmas party or will that seem too serious? Did I totally blow any chances of things working out when I mentioned going to lunch with my coworker and friend – who just happens to be male? What does it mean when he calls me after six months of no communication? What about when it has been over a year? Does that mean that he wants to get back together or that he wants to be friends? I could go on and on with the questions as I am sure most girls (and guys to some extent as well) can. All that I really need to know is "Do I like this guy?" and "Do I want to pursue things further?"

Remember Cinderella

Gladwell writes that we have the ability to "read minds" through intuition, facial expression and body mannerisms. However when our emotions run high, we are stressed or our bodies are tired, our ability to read minds is diminished. Our judgment is thereby impaired and we do things that we otherwise wouldn't do (like make out with a guy you hardly know). So remember to be home by midnight to avoid "impaired judgment."

Other random tidbits from "Blink"

• The average American male is 5'9". Only 14.8% of American Males are over 6' which basically means I may have to get used to the idea of never wearing high heels once I am married.
  
• Only 3.9% of the population is over 6'2" – Sorry Kara you may have to settle for your hubby being your same height :(
  

Friends & the January Funk

I have been blessed with fantastic friends! This week has been a particularly crappy week. It is January and I have been in my annual January Funk - you know that time of the year when you hate everyone and everything? It is cold outside and the sky is cloudy and gray and the air quality is nasty because of the hated inversion. That is the kind of mood I have been in.

The week started out great. I had Monday off of school and went to see Young Victoria and had dinner in SLC with my MBA friends. It was a great time. My favorite part of the MBA program is the fantastic friends that I have made, especially among the women in the program. They are all so impressive and they are tons of fun to be around. I LOVED Young Victoria (I may even do a post all about it). It was one of the best movies I have seen and it was clean and am totally confident recommending it to others.

Things started to go downhill on Tuesday. For a school assignment I had to solicit feedback on my personal biases when making decisions. The feedback that I received wasn't that complimentary ( I am shallow and I make poor decisions when it comes to dating and relationships). While it wasn't anything I didn't already know, it was hard to hear. I tried really hard not to take it personally, but a comment was made in a follow up conversation that really made me upset. All that was said was, "I just want to see you happy." I couldn't figure out why, but it really upset me even when I knew it was said out of love and nothing else. I spent days trying to figure it out.

Thursday is my temple day with my wonderful friend, Kara. A few months ago I decided that I wanted to make temple attendance more of a priority in my life and to do that I needed a friend to hold me accountable. Kara has always been a great example to me for her dedicated temple service so I asked her to be my temple buddy and go to the temple with me at specific times -that way it would be more difficult to back out for lame reasons, telling myself that I would go another time. Anyway, Thursday I was in a massive funk and didn't want to attend the temple at all, but knew it was where I needed to be. Thankfully Kara and I had planned to go and so I went and it was nice to feel peace for a few hours. Kara has been a wonderful friend to me in the 7 years we have been friends and I am going to miss her while she is in Russia.

Friday after a bout of insomnia I was super grumpy and sat around all day (after going to the gym, so I was at least productive) looking for jobs (not a good thing to do when you are already grumpy and feeling crappy about life. I did find at least one job that sounds interesting, so that was a positive. My funk just got deeper when I was making dinner for myself ( I love to cook for other people, but doing it for myself is pointless and most of the time I opt for a Clif Bar or Mac & Cheese -gross I know, but I eat to live, not the other way around.)Anyway I was cooking dinner and I had the thought that I would be cooking dinner for at least the next 50-60 years and that was not a happy thought. It was really depressing to me.

Friday night was another sleepless night so Saturday did not start well. By now I was in a massive funk. Rebbecca and Teeno wanted to get together, but I had no desire to plan anything especially since I had made plans with them for the following week and I was grumpy and didn't want to do the planning. Then while running errands and putting away my laundry ( I hate laundry. I have decided I have too many clothes and need to seriously downsize my wardrobe. Having fewer clothes will make it so that I can't let laundry pile up for weeks and weeks which results in me having to spend entire weekends dealing with it all) I talked to both Teeno and Rebbecca and they helped cheer me up. Then I stopped by another friend's house to drop something off and I was invited to go to an early dinner. I had a party to attend later Saturday night, but depending on dinner I thought I could do both (and I didn't have to plan anything:) ). Dinner at six, be to the party by eight. It would all work out.

Dinner with "the Dancing Girls" (We all watch Dancing with the Stars and SYTYCD together -at least when they are on TV) was just what I needed. These friends have been one of the biggest blessing in my life and just what I have need right now. I have gone through some REALLY difficult personal stuff (as evidenced by extreme hair loss, insomnia and I think, the beginnings of an ulcer) in the past year and a half and they have been my sanity. They have not passed judgment and have provided a listening ear when needed. They provide support, laughs and a much needed break from reality. They have also let me into their lives and share their struggles with me as well. Dinner went a little longer than I anticipated (about an hour longer), but thanks to seeing them and talking with them I was starting to come out of my funk. Leaving the house also helped as did being able to serve another person. I was reminded of God's love for each of us as individuals when while shopping at Target with Julina we ran into our neighbor whose radiator had just cracked in the parking lot. Instead of her having to have her roommate drive all the way out to get her, Julina and I were able to give her a ride home. It is miraculous to me that our neighbor turned around at the right time and that I was in the right place at the store for her to see me. God really does love us!

Anyway after dinner I went to Kara's going away party where I ran into another wonderful friend, Sabrina. Sabrina was one of my dear friends in HS, but we seem to only run into each other at random parties lately. It was fantastic to see her and to catch up a little bit on what is going on in her life. I was also able to see other friends that I don't see often enough. Parties are great for that. :)

Today I was mostly out of my funk but this comment that was made early in the week was still bothering me. I have been able to sort through the comment, why it made me feel the way that it did and I also talked to the person who unintentionally offended me (LOVE YOU!). I thought about not saying anything, but knew that ignoring it was not the healthy way to deal with problems (but is totally how I have dealt with things in the past). I, of course, still worry that I may have now offended this person who I love dearly and who has been one of the best friends to me for basically my entire life, but I feel like I am learning and growing as a person which is the whole point of this life and the point of friends.

After a nice long cry, I went to meet with my Dancing Friends once more for our weekly catch up over Sunday night dessert (we don't see each other weekly now that our shows aren't on). My eyes were bright red from crying (after having the above mentioned conversation) and historically I won't have gone anywhere looking so awful but I knew my friends would be just what I needed; and they were. I think the highlight of the night was when my dear friend Nicole turned to me and asked if I needed a hug, and I said yes. I am not a hugger by nature, but I really did need a hug. I had been sitting in my room earlier tonight wishing that my family was closer so that some one could give me a hug. I am so blessed to have friends who are instruments in God's hands and are in tune enough to know when to reach out.

Thanks to my friends I think I am almost completely out of the January Funk. Hooray!