Friends & the January Funk

I have been blessed with fantastic friends! This week has been a particularly crappy week. It is January and I have been in my annual January Funk - you know that time of the year when you hate everyone and everything? It is cold outside and the sky is cloudy and gray and the air quality is nasty because of the hated inversion. That is the kind of mood I have been in.

The week started out great. I had Monday off of school and went to see Young Victoria and had dinner in SLC with my MBA friends. It was a great time. My favorite part of the MBA program is the fantastic friends that I have made, especially among the women in the program. They are all so impressive and they are tons of fun to be around. I LOVED Young Victoria (I may even do a post all about it). It was one of the best movies I have seen and it was clean and am totally confident recommending it to others.

Things started to go downhill on Tuesday. For a school assignment I had to solicit feedback on my personal biases when making decisions. The feedback that I received wasn't that complimentary ( I am shallow and I make poor decisions when it comes to dating and relationships). While it wasn't anything I didn't already know, it was hard to hear. I tried really hard not to take it personally, but a comment was made in a follow up conversation that really made me upset. All that was said was, "I just want to see you happy." I couldn't figure out why, but it really upset me even when I knew it was said out of love and nothing else. I spent days trying to figure it out.

Thursday is my temple day with my wonderful friend, Kara. A few months ago I decided that I wanted to make temple attendance more of a priority in my life and to do that I needed a friend to hold me accountable. Kara has always been a great example to me for her dedicated temple service so I asked her to be my temple buddy and go to the temple with me at specific times -that way it would be more difficult to back out for lame reasons, telling myself that I would go another time. Anyway, Thursday I was in a massive funk and didn't want to attend the temple at all, but knew it was where I needed to be. Thankfully Kara and I had planned to go and so I went and it was nice to feel peace for a few hours. Kara has been a wonderful friend to me in the 7 years we have been friends and I am going to miss her while she is in Russia.

Friday after a bout of insomnia I was super grumpy and sat around all day (after going to the gym, so I was at least productive) looking for jobs (not a good thing to do when you are already grumpy and feeling crappy about life. I did find at least one job that sounds interesting, so that was a positive. My funk just got deeper when I was making dinner for myself ( I love to cook for other people, but doing it for myself is pointless and most of the time I opt for a Clif Bar or Mac & Cheese -gross I know, but I eat to live, not the other way around.)Anyway I was cooking dinner and I had the thought that I would be cooking dinner for at least the next 50-60 years and that was not a happy thought. It was really depressing to me.

Friday night was another sleepless night so Saturday did not start well. By now I was in a massive funk. Rebbecca and Teeno wanted to get together, but I had no desire to plan anything especially since I had made plans with them for the following week and I was grumpy and didn't want to do the planning. Then while running errands and putting away my laundry ( I hate laundry. I have decided I have too many clothes and need to seriously downsize my wardrobe. Having fewer clothes will make it so that I can't let laundry pile up for weeks and weeks which results in me having to spend entire weekends dealing with it all) I talked to both Teeno and Rebbecca and they helped cheer me up. Then I stopped by another friend's house to drop something off and I was invited to go to an early dinner. I had a party to attend later Saturday night, but depending on dinner I thought I could do both (and I didn't have to plan anything:) ). Dinner at six, be to the party by eight. It would all work out.

Dinner with "the Dancing Girls" (We all watch Dancing with the Stars and SYTYCD together -at least when they are on TV) was just what I needed. These friends have been one of the biggest blessing in my life and just what I have need right now. I have gone through some REALLY difficult personal stuff (as evidenced by extreme hair loss, insomnia and I think, the beginnings of an ulcer) in the past year and a half and they have been my sanity. They have not passed judgment and have provided a listening ear when needed. They provide support, laughs and a much needed break from reality. They have also let me into their lives and share their struggles with me as well. Dinner went a little longer than I anticipated (about an hour longer), but thanks to seeing them and talking with them I was starting to come out of my funk. Leaving the house also helped as did being able to serve another person. I was reminded of God's love for each of us as individuals when while shopping at Target with Julina we ran into our neighbor whose radiator had just cracked in the parking lot. Instead of her having to have her roommate drive all the way out to get her, Julina and I were able to give her a ride home. It is miraculous to me that our neighbor turned around at the right time and that I was in the right place at the store for her to see me. God really does love us!

Anyway after dinner I went to Kara's going away party where I ran into another wonderful friend, Sabrina. Sabrina was one of my dear friends in HS, but we seem to only run into each other at random parties lately. It was fantastic to see her and to catch up a little bit on what is going on in her life. I was also able to see other friends that I don't see often enough. Parties are great for that. :)

Today I was mostly out of my funk but this comment that was made early in the week was still bothering me. I have been able to sort through the comment, why it made me feel the way that it did and I also talked to the person who unintentionally offended me (LOVE YOU!). I thought about not saying anything, but knew that ignoring it was not the healthy way to deal with problems (but is totally how I have dealt with things in the past). I, of course, still worry that I may have now offended this person who I love dearly and who has been one of the best friends to me for basically my entire life, but I feel like I am learning and growing as a person which is the whole point of this life and the point of friends.

After a nice long cry, I went to meet with my Dancing Friends once more for our weekly catch up over Sunday night dessert (we don't see each other weekly now that our shows aren't on). My eyes were bright red from crying (after having the above mentioned conversation) and historically I won't have gone anywhere looking so awful but I knew my friends would be just what I needed; and they were. I think the highlight of the night was when my dear friend Nicole turned to me and asked if I needed a hug, and I said yes. I am not a hugger by nature, but I really did need a hug. I had been sitting in my room earlier tonight wishing that my family was closer so that some one could give me a hug. I am so blessed to have friends who are instruments in God's hands and are in tune enough to know when to reach out.

Thanks to my friends I think I am almost completely out of the January Funk. Hooray!

Sad, but True

Some additional words of wisdom from my classmates:

Heather: You don't need a job, you just need a man.

Kristan: Those are harder to come by than jobs.

I thought it was funny, especially give how difficult it is trying to find a job. Any ideas on where I should live or what I should be when I grow up? If I could nail down at least one of those options, I would be 50% there on finding a job. :)