No Shirt, No Shoes....

Why do guys take their shoes off while they are in class or at school? Today I have observed this phenomena three times & I just don't understand it. I have observed it on other days. It is winter so I am guessing their feet can't be hot. Guys wear loafers or tennis shoes, so I find it hard to believe that they find their shoes so uncomfortable or something to keep them on their feet. I wear 4 1/2 heels all day long and don't take my shoes off. My shoes are not particularly comfortable, but I manage to keep my feet covered when in public. I don't get why guys don't find footwear in public places to be necessary. Can anyone explain this to me?

“Blink” & Dating

Recently I had to read "Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell for my Strategic Decision Making course. I read the book a few years ago and thought it was interesting. As I was reading it this time I thought it had some interesting things to say especially in the context of relationships. (I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about relationships, which is strange because I really haven't thought too much about them in the past.) Anyway, below is a summary of my dating philosophy as influenced by "Blink" and Malcolm Gladwell.

Trust Your First Impression

Gladwell's argument throughout the book is that decisions made quickly can be just as good as decisions make cautiously and deliberately. There is no need to spend hours and hours with a guy (or girl) if your first impression is that they are not compatible with you. I know some of you may argue that at first you couldn't stand your current boyfriend or your spouse but it turns out they are your soul mate. I am not going to argue with you. This is just what he says.

Seriously though, think back to the times you first met all of your exes or guys that wanted to day you but you didn't want to date them – what was your initial reaction? I personally think there is a lot of merit to Gladwell's argument, but that may be because I make snap judgments all of the time. Gladwell says that all you need is two second. I typically give guys more than two seconds, but they typically don't get more than 2 hours unless I am interested. (Dinner is WAY more than sufficient to know if there is a connection or not, especially if there is not.)

You Will Change Your Mind

This just might be my favorite take away from this book. Basically it boils down to the fact that we are all fickle. We all have our idea of the type of person we are looking for: intelligent and charming, sweet and sensitive, rugged and outdoorsy, outgoing and confident, etc. However, Gladwell writes of a couple (Sheena Iyengar - psychologist & Raymond Fisman - economist) who run a speed-dating event in NYC. Their event is much like other speed-dating events. The only difference is before the event, after the evening ends, a month after the event, and then six-months after participants have to fill out a questionnaire about what they are looking for in a potential partner. Iyengar & Fisman have discovered that participants are not very good at identifying those characteristics to which they are attracted. Gladwell used the example of "Mary" who before the event began said she was looking for someone who was "intelligent & sincere". "John" a participant with whom "Mary" had instant attraction was more "attractive and funny" than he was "intelligent & sincere". As a result, in the follow up survey at the end of the evening what "Mary" is looking for has changed to "attractive & funny". At the month mark, "Mary" has gone back to wanting "intelligent & sincere." So what type of guy does "Mary" really want? My guess is that she doesn't really know because her subconscious wants one thing while her conscious mind wants something else.

I think this happens to all of us. We can be attracted to one type of guy (or girl) one day and an entirely different type the next.

Case in Point:

Beware of Beautiful

Anyone who knows me knows that I am shallow, at least when I first meet people. If a guy isn't at least an 8.5 I will not really notice him. I am not saying that I will ignore him completely, but I won't notice if he is attractive or not. His personality (and how he is dressed – yes I am THAT shallow!) is what will make me like or dislike him at this point. This little "quirk" of mine has gotten me into a bit of a mess on an occasion or two.

Several years ago I went to a party at friend's house. At this party I met my friend's boyfriend's roommate. I will call him Jeff. Jeff was (and still is) a looker. (Yes, he does resemble Ryan Reynolds, swoon!) He is a solid 9 and therefore I was attracted to him right away. Jeff and I clicked, but there were some red flags. One particular red flag was the fact that he was not religious and I am. I fell for Jeff pretty hard, even though I knew that he wasn't what I ultimately wanted.

Gladwell calls this the "Warren Harding Error." Apparently Warren Harding (one of the worst US Presidents in history) was a bit of a looker. The American public thought he looked "presidential" so he was elected, even though he sucked as a president and was not really qualified. This bias (what my sister and friends have called the "hotness" bias) can interfere with our ability to make "good" two second decisions.

Play Detective – aka "The Secrets of the Bedroom"

Gladwell argues that if you really want to know what someone is like instead of going out with them twice a week for a year, you should drop by their house when they are not home and have a look around: open their closets, look in their fridge, use their bathroom, and look at their photos. By looking around someone's house you can learn as much about them as you would dating them for months on end.

I found this tidbit kind of hilarious because I once came to the conclusion that things would never work out with a guy after I had used his bathroom. It was about our third date and we had gone to his house to watch a movie after dinner. I asked to use his bathroom. The bathroom was not disgustingly dirty – it was, in fact, pretty clean. But it was the bottles of Kiehl's products lining the countertop that doomed him to the "friend zone". I don't know about you, but for me dating a guy who spends more money on skincare products than I do is NOT okay. I am supposed to be more high maintenance than any guy I date.

See Them in Their Native Habitat

Okay so this one might be a stretch – I extrapolated it from the idea that market research should be conducted when/where a product is to be consumed. Gladwell makes the argument that when we try something like Pepsi or Coke at a central location test (single sip at a grocery store or something like that) our experience is different than if we take a case home and drink it for a week. He argues that we also have a hard time separating the product from the package because they are linked. We don't just by the contents of something; we are also buying the package. (This could explain why when faced with two similar items, I always go with the "pretty" packaging. It could also explain my "hotness bias").

So using Gladwell's theory, we need to see the people that we date in their "natural habitat." We need to see them and how they interact with their friends, their family, and their coworkers.

We should also spend time with them vegging at home, at sporting events, etc. Basically see them as they are in "real life" not just on fun and exciting dates. (This is exactly why shows like The Bachelor & The Bachelorette fail WAY more often than they are successful –although it doesn't stop me from watching that train wreck!)

Stop Being a Girl: Analysis Paralysis

Gladwell argues that sometimes we spend hours, days, months or even years collecting data, running more tests (as in the case of hospitals testing for heart attack which is an example used in the book), etc all in the name of making better decisions. However often times all this data and tests are no more effective at helping us make a decision. We now have so much information that we often lose site of the bigger picture.

When it comes to dating I am THE worst when it comes to over analyzing things, particularly when it comes to what I did or didn't do. Should I have sat closer to him, was I too close, or was I okay? Should I invite him to my work Christmas party or will that seem too serious? Did I totally blow any chances of things working out when I mentioned going to lunch with my coworker and friend – who just happens to be male? What does it mean when he calls me after six months of no communication? What about when it has been over a year? Does that mean that he wants to get back together or that he wants to be friends? I could go on and on with the questions as I am sure most girls (and guys to some extent as well) can. All that I really need to know is "Do I like this guy?" and "Do I want to pursue things further?"

Remember Cinderella

Gladwell writes that we have the ability to "read minds" through intuition, facial expression and body mannerisms. However when our emotions run high, we are stressed or our bodies are tired, our ability to read minds is diminished. Our judgment is thereby impaired and we do things that we otherwise wouldn't do (like make out with a guy you hardly know). So remember to be home by midnight to avoid "impaired judgment."

Other random tidbits from "Blink"

• The average American male is 5'9". Only 14.8% of American Males are over 6' which basically means I may have to get used to the idea of never wearing high heels once I am married.
  
• Only 3.9% of the population is over 6'2" – Sorry Kara you may have to settle for your hubby being your same height :(