It has been a while since I really ranted....

And so today may be your lucky day. This may not be an actual rant but more of my personal musings over the past few weeks.

1 - Internship searches - Honestly if I would have know that Business school was essentially a two year job search, I most definitely would have reconsidered the whole gig. I HATE looking for a new job and so I hate the intern search. I am trying to have a better attitude about the whole thing, but it just isn't happening yet. I am blaming it on the rainy weather. Anyway, when you compound searching for a job with everyone asking me want my long-term goals are - I am in a fit. IF I KNEW WHAT I WANTED TO BE DOING WHEN I GREW UP I AM PRETTY SURE I WOULDN'T BE IN HERE!!! (Or maybe I would, but I would feel like I had more of a purpose... you know more of a purpose than - I had a thought one day that I needed to go to business school, start the fall of 2008 and attend BYU - so I did.) When recruiters ask me that question, I want to tell them, " I don't know. That is why I came back to school - to give myself 2 years to figure out what I want to be 'when I grow up'." I have had a couple of interviews that went okay - nothing great, but not bad either. I just am not that excited about the companies and I am pretty sure they could tell. The problem is I am not sure what kinds of companies I can get really excited about...I thought maybe some clothing companies or shoe companies or cosmetic companies, but I just can't get excited about it. Everyone who comes to campus and is giving "free career advice" always talks about finding something that you are passionate about. What if I am not passionate about anything? Am I destined to never be happy in my career? How do you figure out what you are passionate about? I think that a lot of things would be fun - for about 5 minutes or maybe 5 days. I think some career paths would be great if I knew I would be single forever, but they aren't necessarily career paths that easily transfer over to part-time options that would work if I ever got married and decided to have a family. I need to get excited about working somewhere cuz I have to have an internship lined up by April. I feel like I am completely behind in the game when my classmates are all flying all over the place for interviews and I have only had 2 interviews. Some of my classmates had 2 or more offers. What if I don't get any offers?

Next subject:

Wasted time & ugly design - Last week when I was updating my resume for the internship search (again!) I decided that I should check to see if all of the work that I had done getting things ready for our new website at DRG had been implemented. After being in the works for several years, had DRG finally updated their website? I went to their website and to my surpise and horror, they had finally updated their website, but it was NOTHING like what I had spent hours and hours working on. Even worse, it does not look good. I guess that is what happens when you let males, especially IT guys - make design decisions. I worked for 12 hours on my last day at work just to make sure that they had everything that they needed, so that they were presenting a cohesive image across all of their marketing, but alas they didn't use it. What I want to know is WHY in the heck did I spend 3 months working on a project that they weren't going to use? Obviously I am biased in thinking what I had designed looked better, but what they have doesn't look good. It is U-G-L-Y!!! (you can check it out at thedurge ) The only redeaming factor is the flash graphic. Part of me wants to confront the people I worked with to see what happened, but I should probably just let it go....

Other things that I find amusing:

On Thursday I was attending a meeting with executives on our Business-to-Business Marketing board as well as members of MBAMA. One of my classmates had seated himself in a seat that on the northside of the room while the rest of us were seated on the east side. My classmate decided that he felt awkward where he was sitting and came and sat by me. He told me he felt uncomfortable and decided to sit by me. He said, " I felt like "one of these things is not like the other." I laughed and then said, "One of these things," pointing to myself " is not like the other." I was the only female in a room with about 20 people in it. I said it just to be funny, cuz I mean really if we want to talk about feeling out of place, try being the only female in a room full of guys. I am getting used to it. I have a feeling that it will be the story of my future life.

I don't really know what else to write about.... All of my fire must be out of me for the moment...I could discuss politics and how strange I think it is that everyone is mad at the Mormons for the passing of Prop 8 in California or how far America has come when it comes to diversity and inclusion in the past 40 years, but I think I will leave all of that to others.